June 9, 2004
FLOG™ is experiencing . . .
EXTREME
TECHNICAL
DIFFICULTIES
______________________
-{ Please stand by }-
Maybe so, but then, surely FLOG™ is not your sole source of entertainment?
For details: I just got my laptop back from the nudnicks (sp?) at the Gateway service center in Dallas. I told them explicitly what my system log said the problem was: a failing data cable.
Instead, they think it's a corrupted hard drive and wipe my computer clean. Everything I didn't fit on four CD-ROMS is gone.
And guess what? My computer is still lagging on startup and giving me errors indicating a failing data cable.
Yeah, so I'm hopping mad.
Anyway, if you think FLOG™ is BOR-ING, make it interesting. The comment feature is here for a reason. I'll be back someday.
Posted by: FLOG™ at June 17, 2004 1:22 AMMake it interesting? Done. If ever there was a time for fart jokes, it is now.
A priest noticed that one of the nuns in the convent was getting a little chubby. "Is there anything wrong?" he asked her. The nun replied, "It's just gas!"
As time went by he noticed she was getting very fat indeed.
"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked again. "Yes," she replied. "It's just gas!"
One day, the priest saw the nun pushing a pram around. He stopped and peered inside. "Hmm . . . cute little fart."
Posted by: Blog at June 18, 2004 11:11 AMYes, there's more. You can never have enough fart jokes.
Farting Personalities:
The Vain Person: One who loves the smell of his own farts.
The Amiable Person: One who loves the smell of other peoples farts.
The Proud Person: One who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine.
The Shy Person: One who releases silent farts and then blushes.
The Impudent Person: One who farts loudly and then laughs.
The Scientific Person: One who farts regularly but is truly concerned about air pollution.
The Unfortunate Person: One who tries awfully hard to fart but shits instead.
The Nervous Person: One who stops in the middle of a fart.
The Honest Person: One who admits he farted but offers a medical reason for it.
The Dishonest Person: One who farts and then blames the dog.
The Foolish Person: One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.
The Thrifty Person: One who always has several farts in reserve.
The Antisocial Person: One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.
The Strategic Person: One who conceals his farts with loud laughter.
The Sadistic Person: One who farts in bed and then fluffs the bedcovers over his bed mates head.
The Intellectual Person: One who determines from the smell of his neighbor's fart as precisely the latest food item he consumed.
The Athletic Person: One who farts at the slightest exertion.
The Miserable Person: One who would truly love to, but can't fart at all.
The Sensitive Person: One who farts and then bursts into tears.
Posted by: Blog at June 18, 2004 11:11 AMCome back, FLOG! Save us from this madness! Surely you didn't set up your comment boards for this.
Posted by: WWB at June 20, 2004 1:28 AMI'm not too clear on the law here, but there is some law in Oregon that says if you take care of something long enough that the original owner has neglected then ownership is legally transferred. So you may have some ground to stand on.
Now that FLOG™ is the possibly-legal possession of Blog, does that mean you won't be puppy-bombing it any longer?
Posted by: WWB at June 21, 2004 4:16 AMShut upa' yo' face! There is no stopping what can't be stopped.
---
Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"
Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"
The Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"
"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
-------
The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants."
------
Why do women pass less gas than men?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure!
Mwahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahahhahahahha!
Posted by: Blog at June 21, 2004 10:44 AMThat does it. I can no longer hold back the tides of my imperialistic heart. I have officially claimed Flog for the nation of Blog. My flag has been set in its soil. Welcome to Blog country, people- a haven for refugee fart jokes.
Posted by: Blog at June 21, 2004 10:50 AMAs the host provider for Flog™, do I get anything out of any of this? Although I suppose I could obviate any discussion by simply taking the site down or replacing it entirely with a porn site.
Posted by: phooeyhoo at June 22, 2004 2:13 AMI guess we could split Flog in half. You can have control of the links area and the background (East Flog). I hold dominion over the rest (West Flog).
Posted by: Blog at June 22, 2004 4:16 AMKiddies,
The statute of limitations for an adverse possession claim is ten years. I'm fairly confident that my laptop will be fixed by then.
Anyway, when I said "make it interesting" I was actually granting you a license to use FLOG™. License-holders can't be adverse possessors and I can revoke your license at any time.
So have your fun but don't get cocky, or I'll make all these happy fart jokes disappear and block your IP address! Muhaha!
Posted by: FLOG™ at June 22, 2004 5:59 AMFlog will only be used to house my weapons of mass cuteness. It will no longer be a target for them. With his new defense shields they were ineffective anyway. Infidel!
He's been a negligent parent. If Floggy doesn't return soon, I will file the neccessary paperwork for him to turn over the blog to me. And Then I Will Be Unstoppable.
Lest I forget, here's this morning's batch of fart jokes.
----
Joke Name: Rod & Reel
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "Thats a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "Thats amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."
----
There was a girl who lusted after a man. She wanted him. He asked her out for a date. He was to come to pick her up at 7pm on Saturday. At 6 55pm she felt that she had to fart. She did not want to fart in the house because she knew that it would smell and she did not want to have the man think that she had a stinky house. The fart was balled up in her intestines. It hurt. She had to fart. She developed a quick plan. When he walked her to the car he would open her door. She would fart while he walked aroud the car to his door. She would open the car window and fan all of the 'offensive' gas out of the car before he got in. The man arrived at 7pm, walked her to the car and opened the door as planned. When she got in she farted, a very loud BRAAAAAAT. She opened the window and waved her hands to fan the smell out. She was comfortable. The man got in, indicated to the back seat and said, 'Oh, by the way, I want to introduce you to my parents. They are going to eat with us'.
----
This bloke went out one night to a night club. He met a beautiful woman there. So he starts chatting to her. After an hour of conversation, she askes him to go back to her place. They get there and he tells her that he's a virgin. She say's 'no problem, I'll show you'. The first thing she does is a 69er and she tells him what it's called. A few seconds into it she lets the biggest fart let rip. The bloke says 'Fuck this I'm not sticking around for another 68 of those'.
Posted by: Blog at June 22, 2004 9:45 AMBut I stress again that my cat could puke on the power supply and all of this talk would be reduced to garbage.
Posted by: phooeyhoo at June 22, 2004 10:07 AMCan you make the porn appear instead? With the Vadge Badge, FLOG™ is already on its way. And it's a slippery slope, you know...
Posted by: WWB at June 23, 2004 5:43 AM