October 21, 2004
The truth about Germany
One thing I learned while I was in Germany is that it is not actually run by human beings. (This may explain its staggering efficiency.) At the end of the last War, we Allies decided that the German people could not be trusted to govern themselves, and so we put the country in the care of a brotherhood of omniscient, omnipotent lumps of basalt.
I ran across Germany's benevolent stone rulers during their annual swing through the foothill town of Fussen, in Bavaria. Here's a portrait, which you can click on for a closer look.
(They spew water to signal their disapproval of the local populace's behavior. It's a sign of serious opprobrium.)
Don't believe me? Look, it's not often spoken of, but it's the truth. Go below the fold for further evidence.
Here one of the stone rulers is in prominent attendance at a meeting between Harry S. Truman and General George C. Marshall, architect of the rebuilding of Europe after WWII.
Another ruler stone poses with the legendary German technopop act Kraftwerk, circa 1977.
Here a stone presides over the completion of Christo's wrapping of the Reichstag in 1995.
German Chancellor Gerhard Shroeder holds a press conference with one of the ruling stones. You missed this one? Jesus.
Finally, the stones here give their endorsement to German metal band Iced Earth, a group with a persistent following among German adolescents, as exemplified by this youth. With benevolent geologic forms in their corner, Iced Earth can only be bracing for a North American invasion any day now. Hold tight, and remember: the invasion could've been worse.
you forgot to close your [center] tag.
Posted by: Timothy at October 21, 2004 4:30 PMHey, center this! {indicates genitals}
Posted by: FLOG™ at October 21, 2004 5:00 PMI like the squiggly brackets/itals for describing action off the page. You come up with that?
Posted by: WWB at October 21, 2004 7:48 PMI dunno, I was just trying to imitate script/screenplay format.
Posted by: FLOG™ at October 21, 2004 9:40 PMIt's nifty.
Posted by: WWB at October 22, 2004 12:03 PMFeel free to appropriate it. A fair exchange for "bruckheimerity."
Posted by: FLOG™ at October 22, 2004 12:47 PMYou label your 'article' or whatever you call this "the truth about Germany" and all I see is a bunch of childish chicken scratch. I was too sick to read the whole thing but you need to learn a little about Germany before you post something like this on the net.
Posted by: Joshua Spaulding at March 26, 2006 1:43 AMOh Joshua, I'm afraid it is you who needs to learn a little about Germany. For a guy hosting a website called "The German Truth" you seem to know precious little about its secret basalt-lump overlords. Damn, man, I was hip to them after a seven-day visit! Head out of ass, man! HEAD OUT OF ASS!
Posted by: FLOG at April 7, 2006 11:26 AMIced Earth is from America, not Germany.
Posted by: Kenny at April 17, 2007 12:30 PMOh sure, they're "from" America, in a strictly literal and geographic sense. But in any kind of reality worth recognizing, they are a German metal band.
Check out their tour page. If they're so American, why come they only seem to play in Sweden and the UK? That is totally what a German metal band would do.
Also: What are you bringing this up two years later for? Just now getting into Iced Earth? At that stage of fandom where you want to defend the band's image on blogs? I know how it is.
Posted by: FLOG at April 17, 2007 11:06 PMdude, that hurts me... iced earth german. how can someone possibly think they are german? such a genius band? GERMAN?!
nah
die zeit der deutschen dichter und denker ist vorbei, die galeonsfiguren unserer kultur sind nicht mehr goethe und schiller sondern bohlen und bushido.
blind guardian, running wild, these are german metal bands
Well, I think all members of Iced Earth have the american citizenship, they were founded in america, and so on...
Why don't they play in america? That's easy. Because true/power metal bands have a hard time over there, Europeans somehow seem to be way more into metal.
Oh, and why should a german band play preferably in the UK and Sweden? A german band would play in Germany I guess.
It would appear that someone at IP address 167.127.24.25 is trying to impersonate me. I must say that I have no idea about any German metal bands.
This will not stand. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man.
Posted by: The Real Kenny at April 18, 2007 11:28 AMHmm. Looks like this page has been located by actual Iced Earth fans bent on setting the facts straight.
The good news is they appear to be well-mannered. (That is so German!)
The bad news is, they're never going to get why playing in the UK and Sweden makes a band obviously German, to the point where their actual citizenship is irrelevant. Einige Witze sind nicht wert das Erklären, know what I'm saying?
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Dear Iced Earth fans:
FLOG does not care one way or the other about your band. Look at this page. It is a parody, and a stupid one at that. Iced Earth knows what country they are from, and so do you, and that is smashing. Good day.
Sincerely,
FLOG
Posted by: FLOG at April 18, 2007 2:14 PM