If my body is a wonderland temple, and my home is my castle, what does that make my truck?
A mire to be wallowed in, apparently.
I left my truck at Kendall Toyota -- yeah, I'm naming names -- over the weekend for its 30,000 mile checkup.
Went to pick it up this morning, and it was brought around to the lobby by some high school greasemonkey -- probably the guy who spelled my name "Danial" on the invoice. So I go to hop in and drive away, and the dude has farted in my truck. It wasn't an especially nasty toot, just sort of fusky (musky + funky). But the trouble with it was that this was not my fart. I am the person with the right to fart in my truck. Me. Not some Kendall flunky driving it across a parking lot for 6 damned seconds.
So I rolls down the window and drive good and fast for awhile, hoping to clear things out. But soon I have to merge onto Delta Highway, and roll up for the high speed. And this other man's fart is still in the truck with me.
Soon I get back on surface streets and roll down both windows to get a good cross-draft. I head over to school for a quick meeting. When I come back out to get in the truck, the strange man's fart is still inside, waiting to waft out and greet me.
All windows down, I speed home. Now I sit here, on my couch, and as I type this, I am steeling myself. For in a few minutes, I have to go to class. My truck sits in the driveway, waiting, mocking me. It used to be like a home to me. Now it is another man's ass chamber.
UPDATE, 4:08 PM: The smell is all long gone, but the pain lingers on.
Posted by FLOG at October 24, 2005 1:44 PMAre you sure you're not dreaming? This sounds too much like a Seinfeld episode.
Posted by: Brandon at October 24, 2005 2:49 PMBeing awake and all, I'm pretty sure. Besides, I've never dreamed in Seinfeld episodes before.
Posted by: FLOG at October 24, 2005 3:18 PMI think lighting a match or a candle would have helped. However, it's probably not recommended to do that while operating the truck.
Posted by: Sho at October 25, 2005 10:33 AMI think your truck needs an exorcism.
Posted by: Ashley at October 25, 2005 8:07 PMDude -- it's called Febreze. That stuff gets out everything.
Posted by: Kenny at October 27, 2005 8:22 AMPersonally I tend never to operate a motor vehicle without lighting a cigarette. Some might be inclined to view this attitude as one of disrespect for my passengers, but I'm actually being magnanimous: fart all you like, friends-- the tobacco'll drown it out.
Posted by: bryan at October 30, 2005 1:05 PMHey, friends & family are welcome to fart in my mobile. It's the strangers I can't handle.
Posted by: FLOG at October 30, 2005 5:44 PM