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Notes from a deposition

So I put this together one evening last week. Inspired by Echo "My Name's Not Olly" Praxia, who nearly (very nearly) went apeshit in my truck from listening to Dylan's Love And Theft the week before he went to Australia, it's a thorough compilation of everything Dylan alleged that anyone had done on that album. As such it reads like a summary of a very bizarre deposition, and reveals Dylan to be an unreliable witness, particularly about his father.

I offer it as a belated parting gift. The rest of you might like it, too.

Summary of the Deposition of Bob Dylan, 2001

A judge:

-tells his sheriff to capture Charles Darwin dead or alive.

All of the girls:

-inform Bob Dylan that he is a worn out star.

An unnamed mule:

-is in an unnamed stall.

Bertha Mason

-shook it.
-broke it.
-hung it on a wall.
-said: "You're dancin' with whom they tell you to or you don't dance at all."

Big Joe Turner:

-is looking around from the dark room of his mind.
-made it to the intersection of Twelfth Street and Vine in Kansas City.

Bob Dylan:

-loves you in vain.
-has numbered days.
-struggles.
-scrapes.
-is all boxed in with nowhere to escape.
-was raised in the country.
-has been working in an unnamed town.
-has been in trouble ever since he set his suitcase down.
-has nothing for you, nor does he have anything for himself at this time.
-will, nevertheless, see you around.
-avers to have done only one thing wrong, that being to stay in Mississippi one day too long.
-has heard it all.
-once slept in Rosie's bed.
-still thinks about things Rosie said.
-is sorry.
-knows that you are sorry.
-knew you last night; now not so sure.
-needs something strong.
-intends to look at you until he becomes blind.
-got here by navigating by the southern star.
-crossed unnamed river, attributes actions to a desire to be where you are.
-is drowning in poison.
-lacks future.
-lacks past.
-has nothing but affection for fellow sailors.
-has painted himself into a corner tighter than his wet clothes.
-knows a place where there's still something happening.
-has a house on a hill.
-has hogs out in the mud.
-has a long-haired woman.
-is standing on a table.
-is proposing a toast to a king.
-is driving on "the flats" in a Cadillac.
-has a lot of money and spends it.
-believes strongly that one is able to repeat the past.
-has had his back to the wall for a prolonged time, and suspects it is stuck there.
-possesses eight carburetors; uses all of them.
-is short on gas.
-has his hammer ringing, but futilely.
-is counting on you for a break.
-is leaving in the morning as soon as the dark clouds lift.
-intends to break the roof of his current house and set it afire. He calls this a "parting gift."
-is breathing a lover's sigh.
-is sitting on his watch in order to be on time.
-is singing love's praises with sugar-coated rhyme.
-is casting his eye on you.
-is painting the town
-is swinging his partner around
-knows who he can depend on and trust.
-watches roads, studies dust.
-is making his last go-round.
-is scuffling, shuffling, and walking on briars.
-professes no awareness of his own desires.
-rolls slowly.
-does everything he is capable of.
-deludes himself about his current emotional state.
-is going to a place where wild roses are endemic.
-intends to immolate you as a measure against your own sin.
-intends to sieze power by instigating civil war.
-sits and thinks.
-left his long-time darling.
-did not sleep with Samantha Brown.
-is forty miles from a mill.
-is dropping it into overdrive.
-is presetting the stations on his car radio.
-wishes his mother was alive.
-sees your lover-man coming across a field.
-has spent time trying to decipher the wind.
-from time to time tells himself that something is coming.
-will spare the defeated.
-will speak to a crowd.
-will teach peace to those he has conquered.
-will tame the proud.
-is in love with his second cousin.
-deludes himself that he could be happy forever with his second cousin.
-spends a lot of time listening for footsteps, but hears none.
-fishes for bullheads in a boat.
-is quite an adept fisherman, at times exceeding his limit.
-will just have to see how it goes.
-has never witnessed his parents fight.
-is not quite as cool or forgiving as hd sounds.
-has seen enough heartaches and strife.
-once had dreams or goals; left them buried under tobacco leaves.
-has a craving love for blazing speed.
-has a hopped up Mustang Ford.
-can write you poems.
-can make a strong man lose his mind.
-is no pig without a wig.
-is at a loss for what to do in the event of a flood.
-preaches the word of God.
-puts out your eyes.
-asked Fat Nancy for something to eat.
-does not really care that he will never be greater than himself.
-plans on getting up in the morning to dust his broom.
-is keeping away from the women.
-is unable to be happy unless you are also happy.
-knows when to strike.
-will take you across the river.
-knows the kinds of things you like.
-continues to cry, presumably near a sea.
-is stranded in a city that never sleeps.
-is avoiding the Southside to the best of his ability.
-came ashore in the dead of night.
-is unrepentant.
-is proud of fighting, but regrets not winning.
-would rather die than return home.
-has crashed his car trunk first into some boards.
-is willing to sell his facial features at a deep discount.
-is willing to stop visiting you if you are bothered by his presence.
-is having trouble believing some people ever lived.
-is stark naked.
-is unconcerned about his own nudity.
-is going into the woods and will hunt bare.
-is ready to do whatever circumstances require in the pursuit of creating a new imperial empire.
-has his parents' advice oozing out of his ears.
-has or is a poor boy who goes door to door and haggles by paying persons more than the asked price for goods.
-has been working like the devil on the mainline.
-has been branded by the claws of both time and love.
-was forced to go to Florida.
-dodged laws in Georgia.
-never met his father.
-thanks his uncle for what he has done for Bob Dylan; won't forget it.
-knows one thing: he is thrilled by your kiss.
-strictly for you, went down to see a nasty, dirty, double-crossin', back-stabbin' phony named Mr. Goldsmith, whom he didn't want to deal with.
-cried for you at length; finds it to be on you now to do the crying.
-does not carry dead weight.
-is no flash in the pan.
-will set you straight; is a union man.
-is letting the cat out of the cage.
-is keeping a low profile.
-feels like a fighting rooster -- a highly positive feeling.
-went to an unnamed church house.
-goes an extra mile every day.
-is on the fringes of the night.
-is fighting back tears that he can't control.
-is crying to the Lord and attempting to be meek and mild.
-is longing for rib fat.
-intends to buy a barrel of whiskey.
-intends to die before senility.
-always said you'd be sorry.
-might need a good lawyer, either for your funeral and/or his trial.
-has his back to the sun because the light is too intense.
-can see what everybody in the world is up against.
-stays with Aunt Sally.

Bob Dylan's Aunt Sally:

-is not really Bob Dylan's aunt.

Bob Dylan's brother:

-was killed in the war.

Bob Dylan's captain:

-is decorated.
-is well educated and trained.
-is unsentimental.
-is not at all put off by the number of his friends who have been killed.

Bob Dylan's dogs:

-are barking.

Bob Dylan's father:

-has gone mad.
-died and left Bob Dylan.
-is like some feudal lord.
-has more lives than a cat.
-was a traveling salesman.
-never met Bob Dylan.

Bob Dylan's grandfather:

-was a duck trapper capable of trapping ducks with no more than dragnets and booms.

Bob Dylan's grandmother:

-could sew new dresses out of old cloth.

Bob Dylan's long-time darling:

-was left standing in a door.

Bob Dylans's mother:

-is feeling sad.
-was a daughter of a wealthy farmer.
-is dead.

Bob Dylan's parents, collectively:

-warned Bob Dylan not to waste his years.

Bob Dylan's pretty baby:

-is looking around.
-is wearing a rather expensive gown.

Bob Dylan's sister:

-ran off and got married.

Bob Dylan's uncle:

-ran a funeral parlor.
-took in Bob Dylan after his mother's death.
-did a lot of nice things for Bob Dylan.

Bob Dylan's unnamed woman:

-has royal Indian blood.
-has a face like a teddy bear.
-is tossing a baseball around.

Don Pasquale:

-may well have made a 2 AM booty call, across the alley from Bob Dylan.

Everybody:

-ought to get ready.
-ought to lift up their glasses and sing.

George Lewis:

-informs an Englishman, an Italian and Jew that one cannot be open to every possible perspective.

Honeybees:

-are buzzing.

Samantha Brown:

-lived in Bob Dylan's house for four or five months.
-did not sleep with Bob Dylan.

Satan:

-is in the alley.

She:

-is looking into Bob Dylan's eyes.
-is holding Bob Dylan's hand.
-says to Bob Dylan, "You can't repeat the past."

Some of these bootleggers:

-make pretty good stuff.

Some people:

-are not human.
-have no heart or soul.

Some portion of the world's women:

-just give Bob Dylan the creeps.

Something:

-never comes.

Sugar Baby:

-should get on down the road.
-has no brains.
-went years without Bob Dylan.
-may as well keep going without Bob Dylan.

The ladies in Darktown:

-do the Darktown strut.

The old men in the vicinity of Bob Dylan's domicile:

-sometimes get on bad terms with the younger men in the vicinity of Bob Dylan's domicile.

They:

-are doing the double shuffle.
-are throwing sand on a floor.
-say the times are hard.
-all got out of here any way they could, following the course of such rivers as the Ohio, the Cumberland, and the Tennessee.
-are gathering around in anticipation of some Siamese twins.

Tweedle-dee Dee:

-is not going to turn and run.
-is on his hands and his knees.
-is a lowdown, sorry old man.
-tells Tweedle-dee Dum, "Throw me somethin', Mister, please."

Tweedle-dee Dum:

-is not going to turn and run.
-will stab you where you stand.
-tells Tweedle-dee Dee a number of things, including: "His Master's voice is calling me;" "Your presence is obnoxious to me;" "What's good for you is good for me;" and "I've had too much of your company."

Tweedle-dee Dum and Tweedle-dee Dee, collectively:

-are throwing knives into a tree.
-have their noses to the grindstones.
-are trusting their fate to the hands of God.
-pass by quite silently
-intend to go to the country and retire. They will do so via a streetcar named Desire.
-Look into at least one window at a pecan pie.
-Would like to have a lot of things, but would never buy them.
-are making a voyage to the sun.
-walk among the stately trees.
-know the secrets of the breeze.
-are like babies sittin' on a woman's knee.
-are living in happy harmony.
-are one day older and a dollar short.
-have a parade permit and a police escort.
-lie low.
-make hay.
-appear to be determined to go all the way.
-run a brick and tile company.

You:

-have numbered days.
-struggle. (In concert with Bob Dylan.)
-scrape. (In concert with Bob Dylan.)
-are all boxed in with nowhere to escape. (In concert with Bob Dylan.)
-are sorry.
-can always come back, but not fully.
-can't spy the land, on account of thick fog.
-are of no value if you can't stand up to some old businessman.
-ought to speak now or hold your peace, if you have something to say.
-ought to go to the police if you desire information.
-have been rolling your eyes
-have been teasing Bob Dylan.
-were Bob Dylan's first love
-will be Bob Dylan's last love.
-will need Bob Dylan's help.
-are incapable of autoerotic activity.
-may follow your nose if you are skeptical about the fact that times are hard.
-will just have to see how it goes. (In concert with Bob Dylan.)
-can smell pine wood burning.
-can hear a school bell ring.
-interfere with or cross paths with Bob Dylan at the peril of your life.
-have no need to linger here.
-don't understand Bob Dylan's feelings for you.
-would be honest with Bob Dylan if you knew his feelings.
-aver that Bob Dylan's eyes are pretty and that his smile is nice.
-have a particular style of which breaking Bob Dylan's heart is one aspect.
-bet on a horse that ran the wrong way.
-are unable to turn back or come back.
-will one day open your eyes and apprise youself of your surroundings.
-are able to live with some of your memories.
-are unable to live with some of your memories.
-always have to be prepared for the unknown.
-just end up making it a thousand times worse.
-possess charms which have broken numerous hearts, including Bob Dylan's.
-possess a method for tearing a world apart, and ought to look at your results.

Your lover-man:

-is not anything of a gentleman.
-is rotten to the core.
-is a coward.
-steals.

Posted by FLOG at October 11, 2005 1:27 AM