Man. Oh man. So on Friday afternoon the FLOG Experience decided, on a dime, to split for YACHATS for a couple days. Cool it, get our heads together, what have you.
I left my phone here at home. Upon return, I found that it had six voicemails of varying urgency.
My notes from these voicemails are transcribed in their entirety below.
1. Drag strip -- Chuck D Band
2. Out drink fucking pussy
3. J Stamos -- forgot name -- hipsters
4. Ribs, declassify ing photos.
5. Ducks!!
6. Cockfag, asshole, answer your fuc alcohol-burning funny cars!!! lots to discuss
But the beach was pretty nice, anyway. Well, okay, I spent about an hour of the past evening standing on a highway bridge over a tidal bay, bracing against 60-mph winds, drinking rain-watered whiskey and allowing sideways rain to saturate my pants to the very heart of my nether-crotch. So now you know. What were YOU doing at 2:47-3:43 am PST last night?
Posted by FLOG at November 13, 2005 5:23 PMWhile I was not in the PST time zone, at the time you mention I happened to be killing two bottles with one drunk -- I poured the remains from a Canadian Mist into a Jim Beam and doubled my pleasure. Seriously, I was up all night. That's what happens when you don't start drinking until 1am.
Posted by: WWB at November 14, 2005 10:37 AMSleeping, like a normal fucking person.
Posted by: Timothy at November 14, 2005 11:59 AMSure you were, Bruce. Wink, wink.
Posted by: FLOG at November 14, 2005 12:31 PMI was watching George Carlin's new comedy special at that hour. It's called "Life is Worth Losing." Gosh, he sure is a sour puss, isn't he?
Posted by: Brandon at November 14, 2005 3:15 PMWaking up and going to work. Excuse me while I cut my own throat.
Posted by: Banjo! at November 14, 2005 8:35 PMOiii
Everything well? My name is Bruna and I are from Brazil!!! He/she looks at me ñ knows how in fact to write anything of English why I hate its country!!! the people of there they are a lot of suitcases and annoying!!!!
È even its q flog legal ta....
America, you are some dirts!!!!
Posted by: Bruna at November 15, 2005 3:31 PMWhoa, dude! You're, like, international.
Posted by: vague at November 15, 2005 6:20 PMHi Bruna! Thanks for reading, and thanks for the feedback! America is indeed some dirts!!!
(I hope that "America, you are some dirts!!!" is an awkward translation of "America, you are the shit!!!" Because I assure you, we are not an assortment of dirts once you get to know us. Although I will agree that many of our people are a lot of suitcases and annoying.)
Vague, FLOG has had a small, loyal, and completely inexplicable Brazilian readership from Day 1. I think "flog" means something else in Portuguese. Perhaps Bruna could shed some light on this.
Posted by: FLOG at November 16, 2005 12:51 AMLemme tell ya, Bruna speaks the truth. Seems like everybody on the Metro out here is dragging around those rolling suitcases. And they always like to stand right in the middle of the escalator. More evidence that Bruna is good people: this picture, visible on the front page of Bruna's blog.
Dan, haven't you always had a Brazilian following?
BTW, I must ask. How does a "cockfag" differ from your average fag? Lesbians certainly wouldn't be cockfags, but then the word "fag" doesn't really apply to lesbians, far as I know. I demand you name your source, and get to the bottom of this linguistic mystery!
Posted by: WWB at November 16, 2005 6:47 PMMy source for "cockfag" is Team America. Watch it again. And then again. (The term is featured in the Egypt car chase.) A "cockfag" differs from a "fag" in the sense that a "superman" differs from a "man." Or something. It's an emphatic thing.
Posted by: FLOG at November 16, 2005 9:03 PMJohn Stamos, fuck yeah! Cockfag, fuck yeah! Chuck D, fuck yeah! Nether-crotch, fuck yeah! George Carlin, fuck yeah! Suitcases, fuck yeah!
All right, I'm done.
Posted by: WWB at November 17, 2005 3:28 PMNo you're not. Seriously, WWB. You've got to see this Stamos movie. It will change your life, man.
Posted by: Brandon at November 17, 2005 6:37 PM